Two Steps Away From Death's Door . . .

To Lykke ... we have spent many years together as very close friends, and have shared a lot that doesn't make it to the front page or even a thread or post for public consumption. However, in those private and precious moments of laughing and crying, bitching and moaning, saddness and elation, we've learned that life isn't always fair, and despite challenges that disrupt the otherwise and seemingly normal ebb and flow of what we're comfortable with, we've always managed to put things into perspective as a team and work through it.

What is it they say (don't know who they are but they're pretty wise at times) ... ca-ca happens ... and while it may piss us off momentarily (ok, longer for some things), we eventually get past the upset and put a plan of action into play - may not always be easy and take some effort, but at least we've lessened the level of stress that keeps us down, because in all honesty, it's quite unproductive and serves no purpose other than to cause havoc with our health - not to mention the otherwise special relationships we share with others who sometimes end up (unfairly) being recipients of our often displaced frustrations.

You are a very caring, loving, and giving person, but also aware of how your actions affect others, so I don't find it odd or strange at all that you should come here to apologize for not being around as much - you're just thoughtful that way. However, I can tell you with certainty that our wonderful EP community has enough understanding and compassion to be supportive, rather than judging.

As for me girlfriend ... we roll unconditionally, but ... I now have an additional advantage over everyone else ... we get to continue as a dynamic duo in an official capacity as part of the Cyrene Team ... SO ...

You and Peter continue working on getting your borked computers and systems functioning properly, because we have some exciting work to do.

Thank you my dear for your texts, and Skype and other messages that continue to confirm that I have one incredible VBFF - we have much to look forward to.

To TimUnleashed ... we have been friends for a long time as well, and have shared perspectives and opinions about many things on Skype and elsewhere in print, so it doesn't surprise me in the least (knowing you as the writer I do) that you would offer the contribution that you have made to this thread - I actually fully expected it, because I've never known you not to share your own personal ah-ha moments and wisdom when appropriate - not to mention your calculated sense of humor that also comes with a message.

Yes, some things are a blessing in disguise to inspire a realization that perhaps we've been moving too obliviously through our universe without appreciating what is of most value, and certainly worthy of our attention - no matter how trivial it may seem at the moment. And yes, it is difficult to keep an ever-present and conscious gratefulness when our social environment conditions us to be more focused on other stuff.

I wish you and your fiance a wonderful trip home, and that the infectiousness of her excitement continues to light a fire that draws both of you into an exceptional Holiday Season with family, friends, pets, and homeland.

And speaking of being there through thick and thin ... thank you once again Moonie, for being that present spirit during my most recent trying time - and for the surprise splash of purple when you learned they were keeping me one more day for observation.



And to AlphaGeek ...

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OMG ... I'm rollin' on the floor over here ... that was too funny. Have you been talking to Ed or Kris? The Sons of Remus overlorded by Supreme Commander Will Winters are a brute bunch (some of you will witness that sooner or later), but so far - Senator Calvin Neff has me out of harms way - for the most part - and I'm only dealing with Zekkonians right now, but able to hold my own.

However - what y'all don't know - wait, I can't reveal that yet, sorry!

 

Do you believe in miracles? Guardian Angels maybe?

After the visit to my primary doctor's office today (Wed., the 14th), I'm going to say I believe!

What I didn't share was ... that my scheduled visit with my primary doctor last week Wed., the 7th, was really not even to meet her for the first time yet, but rather to have her staff draw blood and get lab work done for my first real visit with her today (Wed., the 14th) to establish her as my primary doctor and her to review the lab work.

My doctor was actually at a meeting outside of the office on the 7th, but when her staff saw what condition I was in (obviously I didn't realize just how dire it was), they called her cell as an emergency and she came to the office immediately. Now what doctor does that I ask you. After one look at me and a few minutes of chatting, she jumped into action scheduling the direct admit at the hospital, as well as calling 911 for the ambulance.

I just didn't realize ...

The visit with my doctor today revealed some interesting information, and truly gave me pause to think about a lot of things. First, she said that had she known at the time that my hemoglobin count was only at 3.7, she would have had a heart attack because she would have been expecting me to go into cardiac arrest at any moment in her office. She said people just don't sit and have a general conversation under these conditions, let alone drive themselves to the doctor's office, but rather are "coding" and in extreme distress.

She said that I was truly a miracle, with enormous will, resistance and resilience, and if her staff had not jumped into action themselves, well ... we won't go there.

She did a follow-up EKG today and all is fine. I'm going back to her office on Wed., the 21st for a blood draw and follow-up lab work that will include other tests that weren't done previously, which will be forwarded to the specialist I will see on Wed., the 28th along with the letter she gave me for her today. Oh yes, and two scripts to have a couple of other tests done at the women's hospital as well - she's leaving no stone unturned - she's amazing.

The results of the visit on the 28th will determine what course of action will be taken to correct my issue. Then I have a follow-up visit with my primary doctor on Wed., January 11th. She has other tests ready to be done as well - LOL - but that will come later on after all this other stuff is complete.

I share because ...

Sometimes some of us need to be in dire straights before we get it, but as witnessed in this thread by some, my personal experience with being that close to death's door gave some of you a moment to do some thinking about your own lives. Perhaps we think we're invincible (a general attitude associated at times with adolescence), and we push the envelope a bit too hard to see just how far we can go, but ...

It looks like I went beyond the breaking point, and it was truly a miracle that I was still hanging on - albeit by a thread it seems - so yes, I believe in Guardian Angels, and there's a whole freakin' chorus in my head right now singing Hallelujah!

My Suggestion? ...

Don't push the envelope, because it may never get delivered - and give more respect to those who love you enough to say enough is enough, and then bypass the brass ring and go for platinum.

We need more love in this world ...

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Thank you for indulging me, and my wish for all of you is that you take care of yourselves! ​

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Now go have a kick-ass and Happy Holiday Season ​

 

OMG ... now I know why you two (Dano and Bizz) are such special friends, and why I love you both bunches!

YOU ARE FRICKIN' NUTBARS

Not only that (which I absolutely have no problem with), you both have an exceptional sense of the friendship and know how far you can take it when addressing my purple ass. There's humor (and sometimes far OUT there humor), but there's always a caring and loving message that brings it home for me.

Yes, I've always been pretty independent and strong, but also very caring about others, and I suppose that comes from not only having an awesome mother as a role model, but also being the oldest of 6 children with a lot of responsibility growing up, so I'm sure all of that carried over with long-term effects (I know something about this stuff - I just suck at self-analysis ).

In reflection (ok, so I'm practicing some self-analysis now), I can see how my focus has been pretty much one-sided when you consider the profession I've enjoyed for so many years taking care of, and teaching others how to move more away from dysfunction and increasing the quality of their lives - even working with families heavily affected by drug and other abuses (especially children whom I became a HUGE advocate for because of abuse), but ...

Obviously I became blind and neglectful to my own personal needs, perhaps feeling selfish that I should have such thoughts (knowing my history), but nonetheless ended up with distorted thoughts that got my ass in trouble over the long haul, and now I'm facing the music. I'm just very grateful right now that what I'm hearing is the hallelujah choir, and not the death march.
Wait ... you mean I can't at least test a set of Guardian Angel armor? What the hell kinda crap is THAT Dano! Under the circumstances, there should be some special consideration given, no? Fine, wait till I get to Cyrene and I get my hands on the Fenris Power Armor ... THEN we'll see who's talkin' sh!t.

*LOVE the "Missey9Star" - as well as your crazy-ass humor Dano - it's always welcome and a wonderful pick-me-up*

To my dear Bizz ... thanks for being so frank, and you're right ... some of us need to learn that we just can't always walk around in superwoman mode and get away with it. I definitely learned that not only while I was in the hospital (pit-bull nurses and techs who kept me in my place), but also after coming home, and I won't disrespect that ever again.

I hope your mother gets the message as well, and that she is well on her way to recovery after learning a few lessons. It's not an easy thing for some of us to let go and let others care for us a bit when we're so used to watching out for everyone else, but it's never too late to learn.

Besides, I kinda enjoyed the 24/7 pampering I received for 5 days at the hospital, even though it came with poking and prodding, and a gazillion wires that seemed to turn me into a video game for their entertainment when they had nothing better to do. At least I didn't have to lift a finger except to push a button and summon the nursing and tech staff all hours of the day and night to get back at them for disrupting my sleep.

At any rate ... and all joking aside ... thank you both for being such caring friends, with a wicked sense of humor that comes with important messages now and then (I am adept at reading between the lines too).

Cheers and much love and care backatcha!

 

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Thanks Hon ... so far, things are going along as required, but the BIG deal day is on the 28th when I have my appointment to determine when the biopsy will be done, and depending on what the results are, what other procedures will be done. Lots of fun ahead of me yet, but ... I'm going into this with a positive attitude and happy that I have a team of great caregivers to do whatever it takes to get it right.

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Hey my dear friend ... things are going along, but they could be better, and that's what the medical team is for, so I'm hoping that all of this will be over soon and I can get busy. My Happy New Year will be a clean bill of health after everything is done, and I will be primed and ready to take on Cyrene after launch to bring the community some exciting times and fun with events and activities, as well as more reveals with the writing - both official and role-playing.

I like that you saw a butterfly in my IV Tattoo, because the butterfly has always been an important representative symbol to me - it's the most exquisite example of the end result of a metamorphosis, but then ... maybe that's something you remember about me since we've been special friends for so long and spent a lot of time together back in the day.
My best wishes to both of you!

As a mini-update ... today I had more blood drawn for more extensive lab tests - including the CA-125 that measures the amount of the protein CA 125 (cancer antigen 125) in your blood which (for whatever reason) wasn't done while I was in the hospital. I'll get the results on Tuesday, and they will be forwarded to my GYN that I will see next week on the 28th.

This thread is kind of turning into an ongoing blog, so I hope no one minds. It sort of helps me connect with special friends and those in the community who care to interact - even given the nature of the topic. It also keeps me distracted a bit from thinking about what I have to go through yet, which I hope will be minimal compared to what it could potentially be, so thanks for the humor from those who know me well enough to put it out there - I really appreciate it.

I don't want sympathy, or sad ... I want to LAUGH

 

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Now THAT's what I'm talkin' about ... innovation, imagination, insanity ... however, as much as I love purple, I'm not sure I could handle a whole country being painted in the color. As far as becoming a cyborg and ruling the world ... you've inspired me ... at least the cyborg part did, so we'll just have to see where that leads.

And you aren't foolin' me one bit with your choice to be undergoing surgery rather than waiting for test results ... it's all those I don't give a damn drugs that they pump through your veins to first put you in la-la land before they go in for the kill and knock your ass out so that you don't remember a thing about what they did on the operating table.

I learned that first-hand for the first time in 2000 when I had my gallbladder removed - never had broken bones, never had stitches for anything, and was never in the hospital ER let alone an overnight stay. I never got involved with drugs, and don't like taking medication (I like a clear head), BUT ... the pre-op room was a party to say the least, AND ... I did NOT give a damn ... I kept shouting bring it on, show me whatcha got ... that was before I told the Doc not to mess with my stuff while I was out ... I thought he was going to lose it.

Humor has always been my mask in the face of fear and gets me over the rough edges, so in this sense, it's definitely quite medicinal. However, I don't fool myself either ... I just choose to get lost in another dimension until I wake up in recovery where it's less of a party and more making sure all my body parts are present and accounted for. At least that's what I did the one and only time I've ever had surgery.

That was over 11 years ago, and while it was laporascopic surgery, they have really advanced with surgical techniques, and the hospital for women where I'm an outpatient right now has all the modern technology you could think of, so who knows ... if I have to go through any surgery, I might be making out with a cyborg on the operating table ... I hate blind dates.

 

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It sounds like you just had it removed this week ... or are you referring to back when I had mine removed. Mine was actually on a Wednesday. Wednesdays have always been lucky days for me, despite medical stuff because it all usually comes out just fine (no pun intended - LOL).

So ... if you had your gallbladder out on a Tuesday, then some other insanely wigged out purple lover must have been leading the drug-induced party in pre-op.

Ok, now I'm kinda looking forward to what happens after the biopsy is done because I can assure you that one way or another SOMEthing will be done - whether it's a dusting and cleaning, or a full-on Hoover excavation, it's going to be a necessity at this point. Hey, I'm trying not to be bloody graphic up in here, ok?

Sh!t happens, and I guess guys have their own stuff to contend with as well - human anatomy is like that. No matter how hard you work to take care of yourself, there are always those hidden variables that you just can't escape from. Look at people like Tour de France Lance Armstrong - a world class athelete, but ended up having to deal with cancer.

ANYway ... thanks for your lifting post Softy, YOU girlfriend have always been a (lovable) crazy-ass presence in this universe that I enjoy immensely. I'm not in any pain, except from the tape the nurse used in my Doc's office yesterday to cover the gauze pad over where she drew blood. OMG ... I'm going to have to bitch-slap sombody and talk to them about that, because it nearly ripped my skin off when I removed it. If I was a masochist, I would have done it slow, just to get the full experience, but I did it fast hoping that it wouldn't hurt so much ... NOT.

Where I'm at right now is just pure annoyance, rather than experiencing any kind of physical pain. I'm just anxious to get it all done and overwith so that I can get ON with it. I hate that I can't even eat or drink some of the healthy stuff that has been part of my program for a long time because it aggravates the situation - like the baked sweet potato that was sitting on my dinner plate when one of the Docs came to visit me, and who said that it was loaded with estrogen, which happens to be an aggravator of my situation - GO FRICKIN' FIGURE - so I'm on an extremely restricted plan for right now. I love greens and plant-based whatever, but this is getting ridiculous! - therefore the annoyance!

I'll tell you what ... I sure am becoming WAY educated about all this stuff, but then as an educator myself, I always want to know the whys and wherefores, along with some sort of definitive answer. That's why I'm such a detail-minded person, and why my Master's Thesis ended up being 81 pages ... LOL ... at the time, you only needed about 21 pages to fulfill the requirement I think. Hey, I had an interesting topic that drove me, and I'm known for going the distance.

I'm looking forward to the day (hopefully in the near future) when I can come here and say ... it's all over except for handing out the thank you cards, and then give more focus on my virtual life and what I have to look forward to with my Cyrene teammates. I'm still connecting with Ed behind the scenes of course, but he's been extremely busy - as usual (and rightfully so) - so things are a bit slow for right now. I'm going to try and catch up with him to see if we can give the community something while we're working on the other projects.

I'll get back to you on that one!

EDIT:

Sorry that my posts are usually so long, but I truly love writing, and I'm not known for my prolific ability to do anything in Reader's Digest condensed version (although I'm going to work on that with the MS9/Senator adventure) - having an opportunity to make light of everything is helping as well, so thanks for indulging me!

I think I'm going to have to start writing RL books to feed my writing addiction, but we have some special stuff happening with Cyrene in the future, so I want to have a reserve of energy for that too. Oops, I've already said too much. However, I will say this much ... I love that Ed has such an innovative mind that just never stops.

 

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OMG ... how weird indeed. Well, I was told that it was another one of those not really necessary organs like the appendix, and I've had no issues whatsoever since, so I wish you the best recovery with no after effect issues of your own.

Funny thing, it seems to be a hereditary thing on my mother's side, and just about every one of her siblings have had to have theirs removed. My mother even had hers removed after I did ... LOL ... I told her she just didn't want to be left out.

I hope all is going well my friend.