Cat vs. Dogs Diary

I just have to share this with you. Heard this the first time on Swedish radio a while back and I laughed so hard that I cried. Tried to translate it into English (sorry for my grammar, and if I use some words that aren't 100% correct).
I think you will understand it though. It's really worth reading if you'd like a good laugh!​

The dogs diary:​

7 a.m - Wohoo, going for a walk! The best thing I know!
8 a.m - Wohoo, dog food! The best thing I know!
9 a.m - Wohoo, the kids are awake! The best thing I know!
12 p.m - Wohoo, play in the garden! The best thing I know!
2 p.m - Wohoo, ride the car! The best thing I know!
3 p.m - Wohoo, the kids are coming home from school! The best thing I know!
4 p.m - Wohoo, play with a ball! The best thing I know!
5 p.m - Wohoo, mom and dad are coming home from work! The best thing I know!
6 p.m - Wohoo, dog food! The best thing I know!
8 p.m - Wohoo, being scratched on the tummy in the sofa! The best thing I know!
10 p.m - Wohoo, sleep in mom and dads bed! The best thing I know!



The cats diary:

738 days in captivity...

My kidnappers continue to torture me with bizarre swinging stuff. They eat nice, fresh meat while I'm being forced to live on kibble and slimy can food. The only thing that keeps me going is hoping that I one day will be able to escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from scratching the furniture. Tomorrow I will eat yet another pot plant.

Today, I failed once more to kill my kidnappers by trying to cause them to stumble
with my body. Maybe next time I should try at the top of the stairs instead. Trying to set my suppressors off balance, I forced a hairball out in their favourite armchair. Note to self: Put one in their bed.

I caught a mouse today and bit the head off it. I put the headless body by the door
as a sign to my kidnappers what I'm capable off, to make them live in constant fear. The reply I got was a lot of pats, cuddle and talk about what a cute and adorable kitty I was. Things are not going as planned.

In the evening, their confederates showed up for some kind of convention. I was placed in isolation during the meeting, but I could feel the smell of their food and hear parts of their criminal plans. Apparently, I was locked in due to my powerful ability to cause something they referred to as allergy. I have to find out what that is so I can use it to my advantage.

The other convicts are buttering our prison guards up. I'm afraid to trust them because of the risk that someone will rat me out. The dog is regularly released from it's chain, but he returns of free will. He is obviously retarded.
The bird on the other hand gives the impression of being some kind of information source. He talks to our kidnappers on a regular basis and I'm convinced that he is reporting every step I take. Thanks to his placement in the metal room, he is safe for now. But I can wait! It is just a matter of time before my plans come true...

 

Yeah cats rule, but dogs are cute too :)​

 

Chela, that is true :)
It's also because of that cats are so funny.​

For example when a cat plans to jump on top of something and miss their target they are sooo ashamed, but still pretend like it was meant to be like that. That's why I love cats! And I love dogs because they are so positive and happy.​

 

Anna:​

Aaww, what kind of dog do you have? I used to have a golden retriever myself and a "norwegian forest cat", or whatever they are called in English :D​

 

:rotfl:

That was funny! :D​

 

Labrador puppies are sooo cute! Well, all puppies are cute :D
I had to give my dog and cat away too because of allergy.​

But the good thing is that my cat now lives with my best friend, and my dog lives with an older couple very near where I live, so I can go and see them anytime I want to. I know they are being very well cared for in their new homes and that's the most important thing to me :)​

Allergy sucks! ​