Two Steps Away From Death's Door . . .

IT'S INTERMISSION TIME BEFORE THE BIG SHOW
(Translation ... I'm in a holding pattern while the theatre is being prepared for the main event.)

As I sit in my beautiful hospital room (I'm not kidding, it's amazing - and a new 6-story tower at the women's hopsital that just opened up last August) - under the influence of 800mg of Motrin - reflecting on the news I was given yesterday morning, and what's to come, I can only consider myself blessed that it isn't worse than it is ... even though it's not good.

Before I go any further and openly disclose more detail, I want to make it clear once again that I am sharing my personal journey in all of this not for sympathy, nor for poor you comments, but rather as perhaps an educational process in some sort of way to inspire a greater level of awareness as it pertains to our own personal health. You know me - ever the educator, but that's my real life profession in more ways than one, so par for the course. I'm also passionate about writing, and will take what opportunities that present themselves to take advantage of that - (I know, you're saying - no sh!t sherlock) - but hey, we all have our great escapes, so indulge me.

Some of us might think we're invincible, and all the tragic experiences that others have can only happen to them and not to us, but ... I'm here to tell you that we need to rethink that attitude, and here's why ... for me anyways!

For as long as I've walked this Earth (which is quite a while now - I'm considered one of the more seasoned Entropians, both in RL and virtual), and I have never had anything critically wrong with me whatsoever ... no broken bones, no stitches (other than my gallbladder surgery in 2000, but that was a walk in the park), and never any diseases whatsoever, except for the normal childhood things that I think most people experience.

Well, that changed yesterday morning when my GYN got the results of the biopsy that was taken on Wednesday afternoon. I have endometrial cancer - and while that sounds incredibly scary (ok, it is), at least it appears that it's well differentiated - meaning: it hasn't gone wild, and most likely contained, which is a good thing. It was explained as cancer cells having different levels that might be comprised of triangles, circles, and squares, and I only have triangles right now, so that's encouraging news.

However, the definitive diagnosis can't be made until my (now) GYN Oncologist specialist gets busy with the excavation - sorry, but it is what it is. It's at this time that it will definitely be determined if the cells are contained, as well as if the lymphnodes around that area have been affected in any way, and if so, they come out too.

IF I'm in Stage 1 and the cells are contained where we think they're contained, then after surgery Monday morning at 10:30am Eastern US, I should be good to go and won't need any further treatment. The surgeon is also going to try to do this as a laporascopic surgery, which would mean I could most likely go home the next day and have a 2 week recovery, but ... if she has to do a normal incision, then we're talking not being released so quickly, and a 6 week recovery, which bites, but I'm sure the majority of that is at home.

I suppose the upside to all of this is ... it won't stop me from doing my Cyrene writing, and I'll be able to work on my Vita character development for the Chronicles, as well as some special projects that I learned of recently which I'm rather excited about. Writing is so portable, and I'm tickled that I can sit here in my cool private hospital room on the hospital hot spot network and connect with my virtual world friends.

Whether you post or not is irrelevant - this is a means for me to release some pent up energy in anticipation of what's to come. It helps me to relax a bit and take my mind off the reality of it all I suppose. I'm hoping for the best, and I will continue to share this experience as it plays out.

For now, I'm alone until Sunday afternoon when my sister-in-law brings my Mom back who will once again stay over with me and be here Monday morning for the main event. Hey, I have the "I don't give a damn drug" to look forward to, as well as the one that doesn't allow me to remember anything about the operation, so I have that going for me at least. I'm just ready for it all to be over with so that I can get myself prepared for the launching of Cyrene.

I hope this post finds all of you in good health and with a happy heart in one way or another. OH ... and speaking of heart ... the hospital staff doctor who has been monitoring me and getting me prepared for surgery ordered an electrocardiogram on me yesterday to check out my heart.

A 2-person team came into my room and hooked me up in no time, and I was able to see my heart on the monitor - it was awesome to watch while they took a variety of different pictures. I got the results later on and the doctor said he had also looked at my chest xray and said that my lungs are clear, and my heart is beautiful - no really, those were his words. He also gave me the good news that I wasn't diabetic either, because my blood sugar had spiked a little in all of this for some reason, so THAT was super to hear as well.

The thing is, all my labs have come out awesome, which I'm quite grateful for, but I'm attributing that to the healthy way I've been eating for some time now - plant-based, fresh fruits and veggies, and cold water fish, etc. I don't do sugar or red meat (except once in a blue moon with the red meat), or bad fat either, so it all pays off according to my test results, and it's worth it for sure. I'm in better shape for the surgery as well, so it's all good.

Anyway ... I'm out for now, but I have the laptop in my hospital room and will be available to check in until it's lights out Monday morning. The surgery should last about 3-4 hrs, but I'll pretty much be out of it for a while.

In the meantime ... take care of yourselves so that we can spend many years kicking ass on Cyrene!

To Skeez ... your dedicated artistry in print has astonishing power, with a mixture of littering elegance and deep profundity - I challenge you to keep them coming - I love it.

 

My dear and precious EwoK ... your words are always the brush across the canvas that makes it a masterpiece, and ever so meaningful as they have always been since our paths first met a long time ago, so thank you very much. I've been in this position with friends and family myself, and those who had little chance of survival due to the severity of the situation, including a brother we lost in 2007, but ...

In my case, I think I can consider myself fortunate - at least I believe I am at this point in time based on what knowledge is known presently, so I'm not wigging out over it, even though it wasn't what I wanted to hear after the biopsy results came in, but I'm less stressed about it than I was prior to the procedure being done.

You're right though ... humor is the prescription of the day, and the more there is the better. I have always used it myself as a mask for coping in trying times (when appropriate of course), and there's nothing better to calm the nerves short of a dose or two of the hard stuff - and I'm not talking about the whisky Peter probably has in a secret hiding place somewhere in the house where Lykke is unsuspecting, but rather ...

The likes of the 50mg of demoral they gave me in my IV just before the biopsy procedure. Considering I'm a cheap date when it comes to alcohol, you can only imagine what planet I was on while it all took place, AND ... what my comments were when I discovered that my GYN had a wicked and naughty sense of humor based on the photos I found on the ceiling of George Clooney, Brad Pitt, and a few other delicious dudes.

I have to say, I have never before in my life been surrounded by such incredible professionals, and all women to boot, except for the Internist at the hospital who's making sure I'm properly prepared and ready for surgery on Monday. I can't tell you how many tests I've been through since Tuesday evening after being admitted, but it's been non-stop, and the results were quickly turned around as well, so very impressive - especially since I'm happy that they were all great results - other than the one thing I didn't want to hear - at least I don't have to be concerned about other stuff.

Every time I'm wheeled out for another round, I always ask for license and registration, because you can't be too careful with some of these transporters in the hallways. I also have a new-found hatred for those who have chosen needlepointing as a profession (lab techs who suck out your blood every chance they get) - although my brother insists that as often as it's occurred, I should order the Twilight Series on cable in my room - especially when they're kind enough to give me BACK some of the blood they've taken.

And speaking of blood ... I finished lucky unit #13 on Thursday, and that's since Dec. 7th and 3 hospitals later, although I'm in the best hospital now, and strictly for women, so I now know that it's going to be done right.

At any rate ... I love having this private room so that I can pop in here now and then when I'm not trying to catch a nap or two in between all the hustle and bustle, but ... as I mentioned in my other post, I'm in a holding pattern now without much hoopla going on (in so many words), and just waiting for lights, camera, action on Monday morning, so ...

Other than the interruption to check my vitals, and the requirement to keep the ice chips flowing (I'm having an affair with crunching on ice chips, which they say most anemics do, so I'm a classic case), I'm just relaxing and resting when I can and actually enjoying the awesome staff that come and go. I have my favorites, of course, and it's party central - and as long as I keep them laughing and let them know I genuinely appreciate their service, the care is more than exceptional, and they keep coming back for more.

It's my medical ATH ...

See you all in between my next sleep and wake cycle - my circadian rhythms suck right now!

Thank you again Jim ... I'll try to catch you on Skype over the weekend.

Lots of love and hugz backatcha for sure my friend.

 

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Well hello there my Viper guy ... glad you popped in, and I appreciate your well wishes too. I'm doing ok, because I know it could be a whole lot worse than what the marquee is saying now, so I am actually counting my blessings.

Now, with regard to the "etherically, astrally, and (you wish) physically" ... that's quite a nice touch there my friend, so thank you for that thought for sure, and ... the love and healing energies are always welcome BIG time.

I don't want to be selfish or anything (ok, yes I do ) , but I'm going to ask that if anyone is so inclined to do so ... please take a moment at 10:30am Eastern US on Monday morning and send every purple ounce of positive energy you can through my surgeon's scalpel (damn, that's a nasty word ). Well, perhaps I should say the robot, because I know she uses that as well.

Ok, off to try this sleep thing again, so catch up with y'all later.

 

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Thanks Hon ... and you know I'm keeping them on their toes here. I have nurses and techs coming back in to check on me, even when they aren't assigned to me during their shift because they had so much fun when they were.

The attitude is positive right now, but after the surgery is over on Monday and I can come here and let everyone know how it all went, pretty much the rest of the story can be told - at least what I have to look forward to from that point on, and everyone is hoping for the best.

In the meantime ... I popped into EU for a minute to avoid the inactivity email from MA, and had a few friends catch up with me. I can never get away with jumping into EU without basically a PM storm, but this time was rather mild. I had a good chat with Peter who was trying to get more than sh!t loot out of a crafting machine on Arkadia I think, and Magam who is always one of my absolute favorite chat buddies in game. He keeps me laughing and on my toes trying to figure out what the HELL he's talking about ... LOL ... but I eventually figure it out and we have a good chuckle as a result.

Magam is an amazing friend, and I love our chats BIG time, just like I love my chats with Auktuma who hurts my brain some times with his brilliance. Now that's a man who truly exercises my brain power for sure. I guess when you're a university professor of biogenetics and other scientific stuff I barely grasp, it's understandable. He's another long-time friend I love dearly, and the first Wednesday's Who's Who player profile I ever did. If anyone is interested in reading any of the player and couples profiles I did, just click on the link.

Another Entropian who popped in on me while I was in the game standing on my "Pier of Tranqulity" on Celeste Harbour Island on Arkadia, was Xaph, another very special friend. We share the psychology and mental health profession, so we have a base of knowledge, understanding, and data that we can exchange in a variety of ways. Xaph is far more eloquent than I am in his writing (as far as I'm concerned), and he often recommends a good book or two, such as he did today. I've already downloaded one book onto my laptop Kindle application so I can start reading while in the hospital. I LOVE my Kindles!

That's it for now, except I think Peter is jealous of my hospital room service menu. It really is like a hotel here the way things are, and it definitely makes it much easier to cope with it all. We DO have steak on the lunch and dinner menu, but no lobster Peter, sorry!

 

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Thank you, and I definitely plan on coming out the other side for sure, because I just brought on an MSR Partner that I announced at the Cyrene Forum. You'll have to go there to check it out.

 

THE THEATRE IS CURRENTLY DARK, BUT SOON IT WILL BE LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION
(Translation ... cue the fat lady to stand by, because we know it's not over until she sings)

A little under 14 hours from now I have my debut in the OR ... I say debut because I've never played at this theatre before, so it's going to be Opening Morning - rather than opening night. No dimming of the lights required, because we're expecting a full-on radiant sun, and cool morning temperatures before the mercury reaches the upper 70's (F) later in the day. It's good to be on the inside, because the humidity in this sub-tropic environment (while good for the skin) can challenge your comfort level.

I have no anxiety, but rather a desire to step into the spotlight and spill my guts (every pun intended here), and learn the most glorious news afterwards that - (1) the surgery was done laporascopically; (2) the cells were contained and everything is out (no need to bother those cute little bean-sized lymphnodes), and no need for further treatment; AND (3) I can go home on Tuesday, or Wednesday the latest. Ideally, this would be music to my ears, and then I can send the orchestra home with the understanding that this was a pro-bono gig ... I would of course still be under the influence of anesthesia and not responsible for unpaid labor.

Mom is back and will be hanging out in my private room while I'm off to the races ... well, not races really, because it's going to be a 3-4 hour dig (more pun intended), and she will be guarding the laptop from any would-be seekers of purple-packed pages of planet-pipeline phishing (that felt like I was channeling my inner Skeezer ) ... the secrets will be secure, and the pitbull matriarch ready to turn the deepest of basses and baritones into coloratura sopranos - MoM doesn't mean mix or match, but rather Move OUT Mother !@#$%^ -

I MUST MAKE MENTION OF THE FOLLOWING

To Syer ... you were just what the doctor ordered my dear, and I am quite appreciative of the two voice Skype sessions we shared over the last couple of days. What a cosmic experience that was, eh? Who knew that we would be like souls in this vast universe with mirroring life philosophies. I'm a total believer that paths meet for a specific purpose (good or bad), and how we deal with it determines the energy that emanates from the experience.

I'm quite impressed given the difference in our ages, especially since I've been around long enough to get my sh!t together, and you're basically starting out. You have depth and insight with an acute ability to splendidly learn life's most critical lessons, but also able to respect the value - a process that many are obliviously to.

You are incredibly talented and magnificently creative, which is why I am ecstatic that you agreed to be my Partner with MindStar Radio. Inspiration is the order of the day, and we are certainly not lacking in this department, so I'm looking foward to collaborating, planning, and producing some pretty special events, activities, and role-playing scenarios on Cyrene after launch. I like the idea mill we have running already, and I am SO looking forward to the special treats you have planned for the radio station.
Can't wait till our next brainstorming session.

To Moonie ... you have been the one constant for 6-1/2 years without fail, and I appreciate you more every day. Thank you for calling me as often as you could while I was on my hospital tour. Sorry there wasn't enough room on the tour bus, but you know how it is when you require so many tech-types to keep your ass straight. Thank you also for your support and endurance last year during the preliminaries that led me to this cluster !@#$ ... it was my saving grace to be able to share time with you in an alternate virtual world where my kick-ass magic kicked some major ass.
You are loved and treasured.

To everyone else (and you know who you are ) ... I appreciate that you made contact with me in one way or the other to express your thoughts and well wishes, it means a lot. I know it's not always easy, or have a level of comfort enough to participate in a topic such as this, but behind-the-scenes is just as impactful, so thanks.

AND ON THAT NOTE

It's about time for me to shut down all liquid and food and munch on my 800mg Motrin before sleep. When the rooster crows (WTF? - there aren't any roosters in this part of town), I'll be ready to give it up and take my bow before coming back to my room and reporting in ... I'm keeping positive thoughts!

Good Night All


EDIT:

OMG ... I just noticed that my dear, dear, DEARLY-loved friend Skeezer took up the challenge I put out there and basically out-did himself.

Skeez? ... I love ya Hon, and thank you ... that's incredibly brilliant and special. I'm going to have to take your offerings and print them so I can frame them - I'm not kidding.

From me to you, only a bazillion of them!

 

This is going to be brief right now because I'm in and out of it, but the short of it is ...

THEY GOT IT ALL AND I WON'T NEED ANY FURTHER TREATMENT

My Dr was also able to use the laporascopic procedure and I'll be going home on Tuesday.

Thank you VERY much for your positive energy and support.

I'll catch up with you all on Tuesday and write a more detailed report.

 

Thank you Alien, Skeez, Peter and Lykke ... it is indeed awesome news, and exactly what I wanted to hear for sure. I was told that my GYN Oncologist and another surgeon who assisted her are the best when it comes to the laporascopic surgery in this respect, so I was hoping for the best and I got it.

The staff in pre-op that attended to me were wonderful as well, and the only issue I had (briefly) was once again the initial IV, so they numbed the area (which they can't do in your hospital room) and that made it better. When I got back to my room there was also a bit of a challenge moving from the gurnee to my room bed, but that's understandable given what I had just gone through.

One other thing that I discovered was an additional IV in my right arm, but that was ok, because it was attached to my pain medication ... oh, and ... it comes with a hand-held button ... you know what THAT means! They also put these shin wraps on me to stimulate circulation while I'm in the bed, BUT ... at 4am (2-1/2 hrs from now), the Nurse is going to help me try to sit up on the side of the bed and dangle my feet - no dancing yet though - I'm just doing that in my head right now at the great news.

If all goes well, I'm supposed to be able to go home sometime today (Tues).

Ok, I'll be back later ... I had to ... push the button ...

-

 

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Thanks Ace, much appreciated ... and also for your surprising PM as well.

Oh, and I forgot to share something else with everyone ... I have NO stitches, and NO staples in the small incisions they had to make for the laporascopic surgery ... NOPE ... guess what I have?

SURGICAL GLUE ... I'm held together with surgical glue ... I never heard of that before, but how awesome! At least I don't have to think about getting stitches or staples removed.

I was able to get out of the bed so far and walk to the sofa and sit on it with Mom, so that's a good sign. However, I have more pain on my left side than the other places, so not sure how that's going to work out.

At any rate, they still have me wired up like a video game with two IV's (saline and antibiotics), as well as my pain med drip - all I have to do is push the button! I've done well though with not having to use it much at all, so that's a good thing ... ya, but MS9 .

I'm going to see if I can rest a bit more, it's 5:30am and I've been awake since about 3am, so I'm a bit tired. I'll catch everyone later.


Oh, and ... thank you Magam!


EDIT:

I forgot something Peter ... cue McEnroe ... THE BALLS ARE OUT